No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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