dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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