Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
