dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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