His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
