I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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