Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
