Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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