a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
