You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
