the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
