Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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I need to sanitize my soul.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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