Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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