I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pooping to opera.
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