Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
