I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
