She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
