i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
