I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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