I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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