We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
