this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
