Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
