She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
