I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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