this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
