Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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