Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
