Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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