i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
