Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
