This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
