How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
