oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
