Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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