drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
