Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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