Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
