The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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