Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
