Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
