Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
