I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
