ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
