theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
