At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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