he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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