Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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