If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
