I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
