I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
