You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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