I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
