alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can you bring me the toilet please
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