why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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