Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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