Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is Oprah even human
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
