i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
