he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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