My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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