walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
