Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
