I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
North Korea, Best Korea!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
