We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
