she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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