So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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